The Letter
by All-lost-things
Summary: Katniss discovers a letter that Gale wrote to her in case he died fighting the Capitol, and she survived.


After I return to District 12, the people still in 13 send me my belongings. Many of them are Prim's; I guess my mother couldn't face taking them with her, the clothes and books that belonged to my little sister. I spend a morning emptying the package, and at the bottom there is something that surprises me: a plain white envelope addressed to me. I recognised the handwriting instantly. It belongs to Gale.

Katniss,

If you are reading this than it means that I died fighting the Capitol. Maybe you were even there. I hope you weren't, though.

I don't know why I'm even writing this letter, really. Finnick was writing one to Annie and I thought, you know what, I'll write one too. I guess I kind of feel like there is so much between us that is left unexplained, too much that neither of us understand. And I don't want to die without explaining as much as I can.

I was gunna start by calling you Catnip, but I'm not sure I can any more. Too much has changed, hasn't it? It's strange to look back on our old life, the one that was shared between you and me and no-one else, and call it peaceful. But it was, wasn't it?

I never properly told you what it was like for me to see you in the first arena. You have to understand how I felt about you before you left. It's true that I never thought that I might want to marry you until that day with Darius's joke about the kiss, but I've loved you for years. Not that way that Peeta loves you, of course (but I'll get back to that later). But you have to understand, you were my best friend. My only friend. You were my confidante, my hunting partner, the person I admired most in the world. It was like you were a part of me.

And then suddenly, I had to watch you become part of the Games, the Games which I always despised so furiously, and to watch the person I cared most in the world about be dragged down by the Capitol like that—

Well, it was pretty hard to deal with. I hated Peeta at first, with his stupid interview and his confession of love. I was so sure he was doing it to gain affection from those stupid Capitol sponsors, unaware of how weak he was making you look, how anyone could see through his pathetic lie. But it all changed in the arena, didn't it? I was so proud of you, you can't imagine. But I was so terrified. I was feeding Prim and your mother as well as my family, but I was so scared almost every second. Because there is no end to what the Capitol will do. I knew that even then.

But Peeta, he saved you. Made you run from the Careers even though he knew they would catch up to him. But you found him, didn't you? Nursed him back to health, risked your life to get that medicine, spent so long curled up beside him. And the kisses. Oh Katniss, I'm so sorry, but you have to understand what they did to me. And being referred to as your cousin? I was so much more petty then, I was so unable to see the bigger picture. You have no idea how much I resent myself for that now.

And when you came home, I was so happy. I think that was when I realised that you really do bring out the only worthwhile part of me, because I wasn't jealous of Peeta or angry at anyone. I was just so happy to have you back. And I'm sorry about the kiss. I just had to know what it would feel like, I had to try and compare my own kiss with the ones you shared with Peeta. It was not my finest hour.

Remember when I got whipped? And Peeta and you stopped them? I should have known then what a good man he is. But remember how you kissed me, as I lay with my back all torn up? I swear the pain stopped for a moment. But even then, I think I realised. That whilst what we had was real, we would never be together that way. I think I loved you too much, if that makes sense. Like I said, it was like you were a part of me.

I'll tell you a secret now: I think Peeta will recover from his hijacking. I'm sure of it, actually. And when he does, I know that you two will be together. I say this with no resentment, no guilt intended. I'm writing this on what may possibly be my last night on this earth, so I have no reason to lie. We're already in a big enough war, I'm not going to add to the problems.

Trust me, though. Only someone who loves you as much as I do can tell how much Peeta is in love with you. And he's a good person, Katniss. I know you know it even better than I do. I've wondered before if he's the only one of us who is truly good, right down to his soul. And the Capitol couldn't take that away, no matter how much they tried. No-one could.

So if this is goodbye, Catnip, then I really just want to say thanks, thanks for all those years of security and friendship and eating fresh berries in the woods. My life has been far better for knowing you. You will always be my best friend.

And you know what else? You are the mockingjay. You always have been. I saw it way before anyone else did. It just took them a while to catch on.

Yours forever,

Gale.


End file.
